Previously on Dumbgeons and Dragons.
I'm gonna need, I'm gonna need some time.
Send up a signal when you're ready. We'll, we'll go out.
But it looks like Orcus!
This, it was hard to miss.
You wanna punch that face?
Oh, I don't think you should punch him right now. That seems like a bad idea.
Unlike you, I have no desire to be near the loins of any god.
But you know your mission. It's to warn Bahamut before this happens.
Yeah, aye aye, captain. Let's go.
Yeah.
We can do it.
Yeah, Celestia sounds like a walk in the fucking park compared to what's going on out here, so.
This explosion of sound, you land in this lush green field at the basin of this massive wide mouth river.
There's a waterfall that's pouring over.
And you turn and you look up and you see this huge mountain range that stretches high above the clouds.
You guys, this is, this is it.
That's awesome. Did you guys see how I landed? My fist was on the ground.
We're going up a mountain, guys, so I'm glad we've all been in training.
Oh, are you sure it's pulling you up the mountain and not around the mountain, through the mountain?
And Agatha just starts walking towards the mountain.
Follow you, just like a trail of like, misfit, like, has no business being there, people.
Behind the only person who looks qualified and glim.
Goliaths do love mountains.
Welcome to Dumbgeons and Dragons.
I'm your Dungeon Master Russ More.
He, him, also with me today is Amy More.
Yeah, I'm here too.
She, her and I play Sullivan Sleight, a lightfoot halfling rogue.
He, him, I said the whole thing, you guys.
I was going to say, do we all have to say the whole thing?
Yeah, you've really set a precedent now.
I set a very high intensity awkwardness that I expect everyone to match.
Tom, go!
Yeah, that's me.
He, him, I am playing Moot.
He's a half orc, wild magic sorcerer who also goes by He, him.
Is that what your anxiety sounds like?
I know, it was still so long.
Everybody's anxiety sounds the same.
I mean, I was sequestered away today for budget day all day,
so I'm just excited to talk to people.
Doesn't matter what it's about.
Fair enough.
Carla Max dead.
She, her, I'm playing Glim, dragonborn pAlydin, also she, her.
And Kristen Flemmons.
Hello, I am playing Agath once again.
And for your information, Agath is a mixed class cleric fighter
with level five in cleric and 13 levels in fighter.
Sounds right.
Boom.
So much fighter.
And like a hundred percent badass.
See, we're the same person.
Badasses are our patrons.
Yes.
You know where you can find badasses?
There it is.
Over on Patreon.
Patreon.com.
Slash dumb dragon.
Slash badass.
No, badasses.
I don't know what's over there.
I'm going to look right now.
We're going to check out to see where we've sent you
and see if we can get that URL.
See who has badass.
Yeah, bad ass.
Oh, we're going badasses.
Oh, it's cat.
Oh, you got to be 18 plus.
Sorry, everybody.
Naughty.
And I'm not sure what they're doing over there.
Don't know.
Slash badasses.
But I'm not willing to click.
We can probably guess.
Don't go there.
Go to where Carla said.
Dumb dragon cast.
Patreon.com slash dumb dragon cast.
Where now when you're a patron at the $5 tier and up,
you will receive an ad free feed of Dumbgeons and Dragons.
That's right.
It's newish.
That's newish.
I say ish because it's probably been out for a few weeks
by the time we get to this episode, but it's newish.
The patrons asked and we answered.
But also when you're a patron,
you get an episode dedicated to you like today's patron,
Justin Johnson.
Thanks, Justin.
Justin Johnson.
Thank you.
Also, 100% badass.
Thanks, Justin.
Bad ass.
Bad ass, Justin.
Justin badass Johnson.
Oh, I like it.
And now, fuck it.
Let's play.
Harp gliss.
I'm assuming.
I don't know where the gods live.
It's probably like, I don't know.
Zydeco music.
Oh, that'd be so much.
Polka, polka, polka.
That's such a different vibe and I love it.
We can make our own world, you guys.
I'm into it.
It's a beautiful and sunny and warm day
as you wake up in your makeshift camp
in the middle of a clearing.
There's a trickle from a creek nearby.
There's birds chirping high in the trees.
You hear the scuttling of wildlife through the forest
and everybody is just opening their eyes
on this picture-perfect morning.
Ah, God, does anybody else have to pee like 24-7
because of that creek over there?
Guys, I know sometimes I can be a downer
but isn't this place like the best ever
and also the most beautiful
and somehow it smells so good.
Like warm vanilla but also sandalwood
but also like fresh cut grass.
Yeah, it kind of smells like my childhood.
Like, you know, like campfires
and, you know, just a little bit of disappointment
because I wasn't sure what I was going to walk into
but, you know.
Yeah, really good.
Like that, that's sort of sad.
Like maybe the smell is different for everybody
because-
Oh, I see what you're saying.
Yeah, because-
What's it smell like for you?
Freshly sharpened swords.
Mostly that.
Oh, so just your favorite smell, I assume?
It is pleasant.
Moot, you got a scent up there in your sniffer?
Mostly just cinnamon buns.
Oh, sorry, that one's me.
Delicious.
Oh, do you have cinnamon buns?
I would love one.
Well, it depends how we want to answer that question.
Do I have cinnamon buns?
No.
Do I smell like cinnamon buns?
A little bit.
Oh, okay.
That's super fun.
Why-
Would it be-
No, what-
Would it be root-
I don't-
I want to ask, but I don't want to ask.
Could I just-
Is it-
Like your natural-
Do goblins smell like cinnamon buns
or is that like a you thing?
It's a regional thing
and it comes out in this here,
the not the darkest timeline.
Before the darkest timeline, it kind-
Well, when we're in the darkest timeline,
it kind of smells like rotten sour milk.
You might have noticed that aroma following everybody around.
It was in the vicinity.
Nobody can pinpoint exactly who or where it was coming from.
But now it seems,
because everything is beautiful and pristine,
that the cinnamon buns are back, baby.
You didn't-
You didn't have to grab yourself like that.
You just-
You did it.
Some-
Well, when you have to know where it's coming from,
you have to point it out.
Okay.
Some people's buns are more down than others with cinnamon.
Perhaps we should have a different conversation.
Agatha is like packing the last thing into the saddlebags
and I was just like,
so we are leaving, yes?
This is concluding?
Oh, we weren't going to take like just a little dip in the stream?
No?
Okay, yeah, yeah.
I got my things packed too.
Oh, you packed them already.
Okay, yeah, let's rock and roll.
Everybody follows Agatha.
I'm like, what?
Is there a path or is it just like open enough?
Right, I kind of feel like that's it.
Everyone knows where they're going in Celestia
or you're already where you need to be now.
Or just when you start going,
you are magically put upon the right path for you.
As we start walking, does the Zydeco music swell?
It does, it does, yes.
It's as if it's coming from everywhere and nowhere
all at the same time.
It's coming from within, I think.
Like the cinnamon buns.
It's not Kristin's face.
Just a disappointment.
For some scenes, I just wish we were a visual medium
for Kristin and Agatha.
The look of disappointment on everyone's face
at the same time.
It's really a shared experience
we wish the listener could get in on.
You set off back through the forest
and in the direction of Mount Celestia,
which is looming in presence ahead of you.
You crest down through some hills
and are following along this path.
And Flamigan skips up to Agatha,
who is ahead, a ways perhaps, a scouting position.
So, you kill any, you kill any undeads?
Oh, was that not a joke?
Well, I'm just trying to relate.
It seems like we got off on the wrong foot.
Maybe we start again.
I'm trying to talk about something
that maybe is in a little more in your wheelhouse.
I killed many an undeads,
but I just wanted to hear about your favorite one.
Nundeads.
They're undead nuns.
That's right.
It's a real problem.
They're one of the worst.
Yes, I have lost count.
Although I have found that when you cleave them vertically,
it is quite entertaining to watch the two halves separate,
but have the limbs still going for a little while.
It's kind of like the chicken in the head thing
where it runs around a little bit.
Exactly.
Yes.
Interesting.
It is a great source of comedy where I am from.
Very cool.
I'd normally try and put explosives in them somewhere
and have them just missed.
Do you not find the missed...
The acre?
...unpleasant?
Well...
It gets in the nose and the eyes.
It does get in the orifices.
The smell lingers.
That's probably that sour milk smell
that we was talking about earlier.
Could be a component.
Yeah.
No, I mean, it's really when you're trying
to blend in with them though,
doesn't it seem like maybe it's good to be covered
in the icker of your enemies?
I have rarely succeeded in blending in anywhere.
You are very tall.
I am.
And I'm on the top of your horse.
You are.
Is...
Is that okay?
Roll for rags.
Roll for is it okay?
It's like, is that good or bad in this circumstance?
I'm going to say he's rolling tolerance.
Okay.
He rolled like a 16, so...
So he's tolerant?
His eyes are like watching
and maybe some like huffing, but he's not acting.
Blamekens is like running her fingers
through his long luxurious mane.
That is his weakness.
Yeah.
Just, oh, see, we're gonna...
I feel it.
We're gonna be the best of buds.
Right, everybody?
Yeah.
Yeah, I know.
I know what you're talking about.
The three of you who are not distracted
is specifically by Blamekens at this moment.
Roll per...
Yeah, roll perception.
Oh, yeah.
All right.
So 15.
That one.
Okay.
Is that my pass?
Let's see this one.
Yes, 15.
That's your passive perception.
That's your roll perception.
Oh, well, that's just a five.
12 for me, Russ.
Okay.
Oh, we're perceptive as fuck.
Yeah.
What's happening, you guys?
It seems like you've been traveling for a while and
it doesn't seem like you're getting closer to your destination.
Like, you've been here for probably
better part of a day and a half
walking in the solid direction towards the mountain,
but it doesn't seem like you're making specific headway.
Guys, is it just me?
And it might just be me.
Yeah, it's probably just you.
I don't think the mountain has changed size.
Shouldn't we be getting...
Shouldn't it be bigger?
Shouldn't we be getting closer to it as we go?
Well, when I used to be a drawist,
we had something called perspective
and that is when you get closer to something
and it does get bigger in size, but like not really,
because everything is usually not you, Moot.
Sometimes you're bigger, sometimes you're smaller,
but usually things stay the same size,
but when you move your body closer to something,
it oftentimes not you, Moot, not always.
Sorry, what are you saying?
Well, I'm just saying that we've been walking for a while
and we seem to be walking towards the mountain,
but it's not getting any...
We're not getting closer to it.
It's not following the rules of perspective.
We could be right upon it and we would not even know
because perhaps it is changing sizes as we are...
Maybe it is shrinking as we are walking to it.
Eventually when we get there,
it could be nothing but the tiniest mountain.
Perhaps it is a tiny mountain.
Glim, stop me.
I think I've talked to myself in a circle now
and I'm not entirely sure.
So, I mean, Moot, now that you bring it up,
I definitely...
Okay, so I'm pretty aware of my pacing
and how quick I can move even if I have other,
not quite as fast people with me,
but you're right.
We've been going for a long time.
We've just been walking and walking
and it's beautiful and it smells great
and everything is pretty fantastic,
but we really...
We should have been at the mountain,
at least closer to the mountain, right?
I feel like it looks like it's still as far away as it was.
As someone who's proficient in mountains,
I'm just assuming that's a thing.
Sure, totally tracked.
But it's so well on the mountains last time.
So, would I have had a sense of maybe
how long it would have taken,
it should have taken to reach said mountain
based on where it looked like it was when we started?
Yeah, Goth would probably have a very good idea
of probably would have taken, in general,
a couple of days based on where you started
to get to the base, at least the base of the mountain.
So you two, in the midst of trying to make sure
that Rax is okay and that Flamikin's isn't smelling
in any particular vicinity.
I'm trying to avoid all knowledge about Flamikin's smells.
Yeah, that's the best way to live your life.
Good luck.
But also, yeah, you two would likely have picked up
on the fact that you're not gaining on this mountain
in any rate whatsoever.
And as you kind of clue into that
and are trying to figure it out,
you notice that it's getting to be dusk again.
And there is a forest up ahead
that looks like it could make a good camp.
Is Celestia like the fae realm,
where maybe sometimes you have to walk away
from things to get closer to them?
Is that one of, I'm not well versed in?
Well, you and Glim can talk to your gods and stuff, right?
Not anymore.
But now, because we're not in the bad place.
So I'm just thinking, could you guys maybe phone a friend?
Like a god, like a phone a god.
Can you like talk to a god and just be like,
can you pick us up?
Divine Uber?
Yeah, yeah, it's the god Uber.
It's the goober.
Yeah, so maybe that's something that,
because I mean, it's supposed to be helpful, right?
Like it's a whole reason.
You commune with your god, you help them, they help you.
Character sheets are being scoured at this moment.
I haven't talked to my god in so long.
Yeah, but also like for a goth,
like correct me if I'm wrong, because I don't,
have these characters hopped back and forth
between these timelines a bit,
or have they been stuck in the worst timeline
for a long time as well?
We've lived through, we didn't get-
Continuous characters.
Yeah, we lived through the good and the bad.
Right, okay.
So I feel like, yeah, for a goth,
like maybe this, like maybe her face kind of glazes
over for a second, because it's been so long
since she even thought about the ability
of connecting with her, like actually speaking
to her god and having that be a possibility.
It's been 13 levels since she ever did it.
Four score and 13 levels ago.
So much has happened.
Like I think if you're paying attention,
it might actually look like a flash of fear
across her face of like, holy shit.
Am I paying attention?
I want to know.
Are you paying attention, sure?
Yeah, can I-
Roll attention.
What? Is that just perception?
Yeah.
15.
Yeah, you're paying attention, I think.
Well, it's all right,
because I'm pretty sure they'll answer.
Right.
Great.
Said a lot of hurtful things.
God doesn't know that yet.
Or do the gods know?
Do they exist outside of time?
I'm not going to add layers to this.
Forget I said that.
Forget it.
I mean, Bahamut doesn't know what's about
to happen, and we have to warn,
so he can't fully exist outside of time.
Is that right?
She solved it.
Yeah, no, absolutely.
You've solved my god puzzle.
Thank you.
We should make camp, perhaps,
and consider the existential quandary after shelter has.
Yeah, I mean, darkness means camp,
but I swear to Bahamut,
didn't we just?
This hasn't been a whole day of-
Well, we didn't even stop to eat lunch,
and I know, because Moot hasn't said anything yet,
and he's usually poking me, asking me
when we're going to stop for lunch.
Well, it's kind of gotten to the point
where I'm just cranky now,
so it's best to not.
Yeah, we've noticed.
Okay, all right.
So it's almost lunchtime then.
We're like an hour past.
Hangry Moot means almost lunch.
Good.
Now we have an idea based on your stomach timeline,
kind of what time it is,
but also darkness falling,
so make camp-
Eat lunch?
But then eat lunch-
Sleep?
And then figure out what is going on here?
That's probably good,
but also maybe call your gods, maybe,
just for a hint, right?
Because I mean,
gods don't like to tell you all the things, right?
They're going to be like,
oh, the answer is within you,
or something stupid like that.
I don't really
try to find-
Like a commune with-
Thing, because you're right.
Do you have the book on you still?
Yeah, but-
Maybe there's like a hint.
Maybe it's like a choose your own adventure.
You should really be reading
to the very bottom of the page.
Well, if you just hold your thumb
on the page that you turn from,
you can go back.
It's fine.
Oh, that's-
Amy does not like that.
That is cheating.
Oh, I always did that.
Yeah, 100%.
Carla, I see you trying to find something on your page.
Would you like us to hold to find something,
or do you all want to go
at least start making camp?
Oh, Agath is definitely making camp.
Okay.
Yeah, I think we're making camp
and like, okay, I guess it's night,
but we know it's not really,
but let's set up camp and then figure it out.
Agath is setting up camp
with the fevered energy of somebody
who must work in order to avoid their own mind.
Yeah, you make your way into this grove of trees
ahead of you and find a clearing
and it's quickly dark and you set up tents
and make a bit of a fire in the center.
You're preparing lunch or dinner
or any sort of snack in between
to satisfy Moot's hangriness.
And all of you begin to feel tired,
like it's nighttime.
Hey, I was thinking, you guys,
has anyone seen any animals?
Like I heard some animals.
I thought I heard some animals,
but I don't think I've actually ever seen animals.
A squirrel runs through the clearing.
Never mind, look at that squirrel go.
Looks at you, gives you like two thumbs up
and then heads back into the tree.
Oh, excuse me, squirrel.
You're gonna try and shoot it.
Oh shit, I'm like, excuse me, squirrel.
You're like, dinner.
What are you hitting it with and roll to hit?
I don't know, a bow.
Sure.
I'm pretty sure, yeah, I've got a light crossbow.
Okay.
You throw a war hammer at it, no big deal.
It's stupid.
22.
Oh shit.
Yeah, at a good distance, it cleaves through it
and the two thumbs up squirrel just looks
two thumbs down as it goes, as it goes limp.
It's slitted in half vertically.
It's somehow.
It's just, thumbs are going all over the place.
Oh, poor Sully.
It's like, excuse me, Mrs. Squirrel.
Oh my God.
That escalated quickly.
What if there was a talking squirrel
who could have got us into trouble?
Sully, you was asking about a squirrel or an animal
and then there was a squirrel there
and then the Goth was like,
I can't deal with existential gods crisis.
I need to kill something and now we have a snack.
Gosh, I'm tired.
But also, if it was a talking squirrel,
wouldn't it have just talked to us
and not given us the two thumbs up?
I don't know.
Would you talk to us?
We're kind of like.
Would you talk to a squirrel?
Wait, I, what?
If I was a talking squirrel,
I might talk to other people.
Maybe he's an introverted talking squirrel
and he just.
You know what though?
Remember that time that we met that fire elemental
that was and I juggled for them?
Oh, the earth elemental.
Yeah, I wasn't there, but I heard that story.
Yeah, so I'm very tired.
It's so nighttime.
It is so nighttime.
And I juggled for it and like made a connection.
You know, maybe I could have been like take
like squirrel friends.
Can you take us to the secret place?
But a Goth eating it already.
I see that.
I was going to say she's cleaning it
just like ripping the skin off
and spitting it over the fire the whole.
You know, listen, I know she's not like part
of a trio usually, but like I think we gotta like calm down.
I got the UK.
I mean, we talk about we're a quartet.
Just gnawing on the squirrel raw.
You're a corn.
No, no, it cooked fast.
There's not much meat on there.
It's really lean.
You can overcook it.
It's really tough.
You can see 30 seconds on each side.
You're good to go.
Oh, I haven't even done my nighttime workout.
I'm so tired.
Do some of that yoga.
You know, stretch it out.
Just weird.
I usually.
Because we oh.
Flame McKinsey's asleep.
You see racks curling up in the corner.
Going to sleep.
It's really something strange going on with.
Time.
Do you think when we traveled in time, we made the day shorter?
I don't think we could fuck up Celestia like that.
Well, you all find yourselves crawling into your respective bedrolls.
I'll see you guys in the morning.
You wake up the next morning and it's a beautiful morning.
You hear the sound of birds.
There's a crickling stream going down the side.
A crickling stream?
A crickling.
I have never heard a stream be described as crickling.
Well, you haven't lived, Amy.
Right?
There's a crickling creek just off to the side.
No, it's not.
It wasn't stream or creek that had an issue with its crickling.
Crackling?
I mean, it seems like.
Now I'm really noticing that crickling.
It seems.
Scream.
I know.
Oh, God.
There's a group of squirrel family members who are gathered around.
Their respects.
The carcass.
Just tiny screams being heard, but also it's a picture perfect day,
which is what I'm trying to get at here.
You all stretch and wake up.
The squirrel family is carrying off the carcass of their deceased family member.
Was there a crickling stream when we went to sleep?
Or are we back at the same crickling stream that we woke up at yesterday?
Make an investigation check.
Anyone who wants to.
I'll investigate that.
It's an eight minus one, so.
That's brand new.
That's an 18 minus one.
It could have some similarities.
Yeah, I think this might be the same stream that made me have to pee last time.
How's it making you feel this time?
I gotta pee.
Oh, it's probably the same stream then.
Oh, well, maybe we could take a dip in it this time
and clean off some of the smell of the day.
I think.
Why do I always shut down conversations?
I'm going to look in my book and see if there's anything.
I mean, I can try and commune with Bahamut.
But if I do that, am I going to?
I'll be talking to Bahamut here.
And like, is that going to mess up us warning him?
And then are we?
Oh, my gosh.
What if you just commune with him?
What if you just commune?
Well, like, what if we are doing too much work right now?
You could just be like, warning, warning, Bahamut.
I was sent here from the future by future you.
Watch out.
And then like, it's done.
OK, well, Plan B.
So Plan A, I'm just going to look in the book.
Maybe there's like a map or something.
Yeah.
What's in the book, Russ?
Tell me.
Anything?
Anything new in my book?
Is there a reading rainbow?
There's nothing new in your book if you're looking for new entries.
No new entries.
OK.
All looks the same.
No previous map of Celestia was ever mentioned.
There is no map currently.
But out of Flameykin's backpack, there's just like this, I'm a map.
I'm a map.
And then, Russ, get back in there.
Not you singing map.
You don't have any place here.
We talked about this earlier.
Well, I'm going to go investigate this river here that keeps making me pee.
I want to walk over to the creek, the stream, the river.
I'm unsure of how big it is.
It's big enough.
Yeah.
You walk over to it and it's crystal clear water.
It's nice, cool.
Looks like it's coming down from some sort of glacial stream.
I want to put my hand in it.
It's crisp on the skin.
Seriously, it's hot.
It's hot spray.
It's hot.
It's confusing.
It's coming down from a glacier.
It's boiling hot.
Rover damage.
No, you put it in.
It feels like it's washing off the smell of the day.
Guys, I'm just going to take a quick dip.
Wait, we recollect that we have been walking toward a mountain that is
getting no closer, right?
You know that you are in Celestia trying to make it to the mountain to Warren Bahama.
But are we aware of the conversations that we had the previous night about how
dang it, this mountain don't seem to be getting no closer.
Okay, okay.
I'm just going to take a quick dip.
If we're not getting to the mountain anyway, I mean, it's not like we're in a rush.
And I'm going to take out-
He strips down.
Hops in.
He doesn't have modesty.
No, we've all been around each other for a long time.
I don't have a specific spell that would be helpful in this case.
Okay.
But I will take out my holy symbol and try to commune.
You know, like, I don't know.
You know, there's like spells where you can ask your god questions and stuff.
I don't have those.
I didn't make those choices.
Okay, but you want to talk to your god.
You can commune with your god.
Roll religion.
And let's see if you can commune with your god.
I can't, guys.
This is a 13.
A little rusty.
Oh, yeah.
I'm also rusty.
Describe to me the scene, though.
13 doesn't necessarily mean a fail.
You're in a magical religious place.
True.
I think that I am going to...
Yeah, I have my holy symbol, which is like a small tool piece of leather
that I focus and I kind of sit crisscross applesauce
and just meditating, thinking about Bahamut and trying to, you know,
express my love for him and see if he can give me a sign.
What is a goth doing, thinking, or feeling as Glim is attempting to commune with her god,
who previously had, you know, made an appearance in the darkest timeline,
but is now trying to do so actively in this new timeline?
Oh, I think a goth is as far away from this as possible.
Guys, I knew we should have fixed that giant pit we had in the recording studio,
but we didn't.
And that's just kind of what happened.
As someone who is on the Zoom call that that was happening on,
it did not transfer well for us.
It did not, but I bet it sounded so good in your actual recording.
I bet it's great on your end, but ours was like very like...
It was like a mime.
It started out okay, disappeared.
It was just us doing a mime act.
Yeah.
But I bet it recorded perfectly.
Yeah.
Anyway, here we are in the middle.
And it will make more sense now that we're in the middle and we can say why I did that.
Why did you do that?
Well, let me tell you a story about myself, Amy, and Tom.
Oh, I thought it was going to be about how your life got flipped upside down.
I thought about it, but then I was like, that's not where we're going with this.
Tom, Amy, and I, Carla was busy and didn't want to.
That's not true.
No, she didn't want to.
I mean, rumor has it Carla had no interest.
No, we wanted to have Carla there, but we could only have three of us
because that's what made sense for this game that we played over on RPG.
That's realms of peril and glory.
Great.
How can I describe the game that we played without giving too much away?
Detective Noir.
Okay.
Trebuchets.
That was the sound.
That was me being shot by a trebuchet.
Right.
It had nothing to do with the pit in the studio.
Maybe the trebuchet into the pit in the studio.
Oh, there we go.
Yeah.
We're bringing the ideas together.
And baby factory.
Yes.
Yeah.
Those are three things that are wholly unrelated.
And fits perfectly.
You nailed it, honey.
Carla looks so confused.
I know.
I love it because I have so many questions.
Well, we can't answer any of them.
I just have to listen to the episode to figure out how,
I mean, just even the first two seem very anachronistic, so I can't wait.
Well, you can listen to it right now because it released on Monday,
March 21st as we're recording this because now it's the 23rd or beyond because of how
podcasts work.
You can go over to realms of peril and glory.
Search for them in your favorite podcast app or lightandtragic.com
YASP, Y-A-S-P, which is the game we played.
You arrive in a strange place or you awaken strangely place.
You awake.
Strange.
You also.
You awake in a strange place.
You awaken strange place.
In a strange.
You don't, you don't use the I from in and the A-
Oh yeah, but that would be Y-A-I-A-S-P, Y-A-A-S-P.
Yes, you arrive in a strange place or you awaken in a strange place.
But just go download it.
There's a link in the description.
It's easy enough.
It's real good.
And it's so funny run by the great James Barbarossa, who you might remember from
Facing Fate, Off World, who is also over there.
So go check it out.
Okay, that's the end of the middle.
Do we get back in that trebuchet or?
Okay, yeah, ready?
Here we go.
Okay.
Okay, somebody pull it.
Pull the switch.
Okay.
What?
Isn't it a lever?
Because I'm like pulling it.
It's a circular switch is what they, yeah.
Yeah, I'm confused about the seatbelt.
That's a great question.
Also robot.
He's strapped into the ground now.
Clink.
That's what, yeah, it's just a dainty clink.
And just the smallest of clinks.
And now that Russ is gone, why don't you just get back to the episode and we'll,
I don't know, find him.
Which we wouldn't really have to do because you seatbelted yourself to this.
Is he strapped in?
I love it.
Oh, I think a goth is as far away from this as possible.
Distinctly the most awkward looking, uncomfortable Goliath that you've ever seen.
Just like doing up and like undoing and then redoing all the bags on Rex's like saddle,
like packing them, unpacking them, rearranging them, packing them again.
Like just like fiddling with bridles, like trying to find anything else to focus on.
Doesn't really want to go for a bath with the Flamikins and Sully.
Just Sully said they went for a bath.
Yeah, I know.
Just me.
Flamikins actually.
Just when clothes came off, everyone assumed Flamikins also got in there.
I suppose so, yeah.
Fair assumption.
From the other side of Rex, like propped up, like hands across the saddle,
like if Flamikins pops up, you can see that she's clearly not wearing clothes,
but isn't exposing herself at this moment.
But is pressing herself against your horse.
Against the saddle of your horse, not the horse itself.
There's boundaries, okay?
It's been a while, I mean, maybe.
Hey, you okay?
I'm fine.
No, you're not.
You know, look at, look at you.
Look at just, she pulls from somewhere, a mirror, like a piece of glass.
A mirror, and then you said a piece of glass.
So yeah, that's what we said, and that's what we're sticking to.
Look at yourself in this mirror glass.
I'd rather not.
You're doing it because you're looking at me.
Open your eyes.
There's something up with you.
You've been off since we've been here.
You're not the usual goth that I've come to know and love here.
We was connecting back in the dark times, and now there's something separating us.
Like if you, if it was a cartoon and you could sort of see like that red coloration,
like filling up the character as the smoke starts to go off the ears,
like you can just sort of see like the pale like Goliath skin like turning.
And like she grits her teeth, fine.
My god was dead.
And since she was dead, I turned to vengeance.
Yeah, tell me about it.
If she is not dead, I have betrayed everything she stands for.
So you didn't pick like one of them benevolent gods?
It was like, oh, you made a choice based on the situation that you were in.
And I understand that now I'm going to smote thee.
I doubt Eldath would ever smote.
It's more of like one of those like, I'm not mad.
I'm disappointed.
But then, I mean, like, like, like, parents get over that,
like gods could probably get over that too, especially because you came back here trying to,
you know, not necessarily crush things, but warn things.
Right?
Look at Glim.
Glim's having a grand old time just rubbing that leather between her fingers,
being like, hey, Bahamut, you're such a cool guy.
I think you wear the best underpants.
I get the sense that Glim's relationship with Bahamut is not the same
as perhaps my relationship with Eldath.
Well, let's just watch for a second here.
Just turn, turn your head.
Just face your demons.
I'm just imagining like Flamingon's like grabbing Eld,
like a Goth's face and just like turning her head with like the smoochy cheeks.
Open your eyes.
You are.
What's Glim doing at this moment?
Yeah.
Still sitting crisscross.
I was imagining her on her like front with her, like,
like she's got a magazine in front of her and her legs are kicking.
And she's just like, like, gabbing with the gal.
That's so funny.
I already said I was, I was crisscross applesauce,
but I think for sure there probably is some like kind of little tune in my head.
Maybe still the Zydego music has inspired me that I'm hearing everywhere.
I'm just kind of like grooving along, quietly smiling.
So happy.
Just like big smile.
Wrinkles seem to be disappearing.
Just like feeling the love of a totally still alive god.
And although you don't hear anything back,
you do feel a sense of like empowerment and warmth.
Like even as Bahamut came back in the darkest timeline, it was different, right?
Like you felt the power come back, but you didn't feel perhaps the innocence of it
that you felt all that time back, back when times were simpler.
Yeah, before I gave up on him,
before I hurt my friend and finally gave up on Bahamut's return.
So although there's no direct communication, there's no writing in the book,
you do feel a sense of connection to Bahamut.
Moot, where are you in this moment?
Good question.
Are you standing on the side of the bank with the towel open going,
you're getting prunies?
I am doing a drawing of Sully splashing in the water.
Oh, inappropriate.
But he's posing, like he's into it.
He was jumping up to like be like, I'm a mermaid.
I'm a dolphin.
Don't forget my deck.
And I for sure have like a like a like I'd have a swimming cap,
but like as an eye patch, you know,
because I don't want to get my good leather one all wet.
You're doing this and the scene behind you,
which you're not really paying too much attention to,
is playing out behind you and you see like this creeping blackness
beginning to roll down this crickling creek.
There, I said it three times.
It's a thing.
I love it.
It's a word now.
Yeah, something creeks do.
And it's moving down this stream and towards Sully who's splashing carefree.
Make sure you get my best side.
Oh, yeah.
Yeah, maybe maybe your best side is out of the water, though.
Well, yeah, but then it doesn't leave very much to the imagination,
does it?
Because if I put these these these river rocks in a particular like placement,
I could get really autistic with this.
Well, yeah, you definitely could.
But also there's I don't think that's supposed to be in Celestia.
And he points behind you at the blackness that's coming down the creek.
Sorry, the crickling creek.
Sully turns around.
He's like, oh, well, that doesn't seem like that's going to wash off.
And he clamors out of the out of the creek.
As you clamor, it feels slipperier as you're climbing up these rocks
and you feel something grab at your foot, Sully.
Oh, no.
It's pulling you back.
Moot, you don't specifically see anything grabbing at him.
OK, Moot, Moot.
Something's got me.
It's got me.
All right.
OK, yeah, I'll be right there.
Get it.
Where are you going?
Just got to get these last couple lines in.
Yeah, as you're getting the last couple lines in.
Sully, you get you get pulled down and you're like up to your waist
and being pulled deeper into like whatever this sludge is down beneath the river.
Oh, it's a gross, slippy stuff.
They don't put my toes on because it's that gross stuff I want to take.
I have nothing.
I want to take a river rock that I had in my hand that I was strategically placing on my junk
and I want to like hit at whatever has me.
Slam down on top of whatever this is that's got you by the foot
and is pulling you deeper and your hand gets clasped by it now.
Oh, fuck.
And your arm gets pulled down.
I assume I'm like face underwater now.
I am reminded of Homer Simpson trying to grab his legs
from the quicksand and pull them up.
That's where I'm at.
So at this moment, I think Glim's like, oh, and gets up like, guys, guys, fantastic news.
Bahamut is definitely here.
I communed.
I felt his presence.
I'm so invigorated.
I can't imagine a more incredible, beautiful, perfect day.
We're going to.
Oh, Mike.
Sully, are you okay?
No, no, we're not okay over here.
You better be recording this moat.
I'm going to try and rush into the water.
Yeah, I'm right there.
Let's all leap into action.
Okay.
Everybody rushes over and Glim is first into the water.
And Glim, you feel your feet being like suctioned down into this creek.
Oh, this is it's so why is it so slimy?
You feel like it's almost like hands that are grabbing at your feet
and then now pulling you deeper into this sludge.
Okay.
No, no, no.
Are you still standing at the side?
Did you go into the water too?
I'm trying to figure out something to like pass Glim that she can grab onto
and like pull herself out.
There's tree branches, there's sticks, there's ropes, there's everything.
I'm under the water.
I think at this point.
Yeah, you've gone under.
I guess it wrenches her face from Flemington's pants.
Oh, wait, we should be watching that.
Okay, let's go.
Wait, I'm going to get clothes on first.
That's probably.
Really?
Whatever.
We've all seen it.
Here we go.
Fight naked.
Rush over.
Toss a rope because I know exactly where it is because I've been really reorganizing.
Yeah, you've done a good job.
You toss a rope.
So organized.
You toss the rope and it goes and it floats on top of the surface of the creek.
Glim, it's just drifting down just slightly beside you.
Okay, I think I'm going to grab the rope and maybe tie it around me
and then like guys, I've got to get Sully.
Maybe like time to do a tree or something.
I will start fixing the other end of the rope to actually, you know what?
I'm going to attach it to Brax's saddle so that he can pull out when the moment is ready.
And I think I will be like, I'm not going to stick my hand in because I saw that that
was a bad idea.
So I'm like lifting my leg or trying to like knee around where I think Sully is so that.
Yeah, you're like sinking deeper the more you go.
You try and lift your leg and it's like it's suctioned to the ground.
You can't lift it.
Rope is drifting down.
Glim, you're tying it around yourself.
Yes, being tied around Rax.
Moot, you've tossed another rope.
The two ropes moving around.
Glim, you're reaching for Sully.
As you reach for where Sully is, your hands get suctioned into the schmuck.
Oh, this seems bad.
Into the schmuck.
There's just some jabroni down there just being a complete asshole.
Hey, oh, I got him.
I got another couple.
They came back to the crickling creek.
Oh, fucking schmuck.
Next time on Diners, Drive-Ins and Dives.
And we'll see you next time.
No, Guy Fieri.
Your go-to schmuck is Guy Fieri.
He's a saint, okay?
He's a saint.
I will take it back.
We don't say a single bad word about him.
So where my hands are now submerged, can I feel Sully or do I just feel like the
creepy slime phantom hands grabbing me?
Like the creek around you is now all of this.
There is no clear blue stream.
Moot, from where you're standing and you've got ropes going and are being tied to the
horse, you hear specifically, you hear movement up in the trees.
Do I see anything to go along with this movement?
You turn and look and you think you see a figure move quickly up through the trees,
like a small humanoid figure.
You can't make out any distinct features and it bolts through the trees.
Okay.
Yeah, I want to throw a magic missile or three in this case into this sludge water
to see what happens.
Into the sludge water.
Okay, cool.
Love it.
Yeah, because, well, it's got my friends.
And maybe it'll cause a momentary reprieve.
Everybody else who can see a Glimer, you're being sucked down, pulled under.
Sully, you can't see any of this.
Everybody else you see these three magic missiles go and hit this ooze.
And this eruption of blackness explodes up and over everything.
Hmm.
And you all wake up the next morning and it's a beautiful sunny day.
There's the sound of birds chirping up in the trees and there's this crinkling creek
that's going off and somewhere to the side.
Everybody stretches and the dew just kind of rolls off the grass beside you.
It's such a beautiful, lovely day.
Dumbgeons and Dragons, Season 2, Episode 117.
Starring Amy More as Sullivan Sleight, Carla Maxted as Glim, Tom Laird as Moot,
Kristen Flemmons as a Goth, and Russ More as your dungeon master.
Editing, production, and sound design by Russ More.
This episode featured music from Epidemic Sound and sound effects from Epidemic Sound,
Boom Library, and Sound Ideas.
A huge thank you to our supporting producers, Gabriel Lynch, Jessica Babyok,
Cat Waterflame, Jacob Madden, Christian Brown, Devin Michaels,
Craig Zeiss, Aaron Stevens, Darylith, Lulahan, Charlie Warley, and L.A. Branton.
To support Dumbgeons and Dragons and our many other productions and get access to an
exclusive podcast called The Adventures of, bonus episodes, and much more,
please join our Patreon at Patreon.com slash Dumb Dragon Cast.
You can also follow us at Facebook.com slash Dumb Dragon Podcast,
and on Instagram and Twitter, at Dumb Dragon Cast.
Thank you for listening.
Have a great week. We'll talk again soon.